Dear handsome boy in the khaki suit,

Dear handsome boy in the khaki suit,

Seeing as how I don't even know your name, I guess this makes an awkward start to a conversation. But, I couldn't let what you did go unnoticed.

A couple of weeks ago, I moved to Provo after being on a mission in Portugal for a year and a half. I moved back in with my two old roommates and was trying to get readjusted to life. I am not going to lie, it has been WAY harder than I would have imagined. It is funny when you try to forget something how good of a job you do at actually forgetting it. You could say I forgot a lot of things about my "former life" and have been trying to remember how to do and be everything I used to be, including feeling normal.

So, that Sunday was my first Sunday back in a singles ward. I was nervous. After three hours of church, we were supposed to stay for a little "social" the ward was having. I talked to exactly two people before feeling awkward and out of place. Weird, right? I mean, on the mission I talked to sometimes HUNDREDS of people a day! Why was this so hard for me?

I decided to leave and walk home instead of staying to get a ride from my roommate. I started walking quickly, feeling embarrassed for feeling embarrassed. Why was I embarrassed? I couldn't freaking carry on a conversation with anyone about anything normal that wasn't related to the mission! I knew I had to change and be different. I knew that I had to get to know people and help them feel included and special. But, how could I do that when I felt so on-the-outside and different?

As I was clouded in my thoughts, you passed me on the sidewalk. I looked at you for just a moment as you were passing by, still lost in my thoughts. As you were passing, though, you kept looking at me. After a few moments you smiled and said, "Hi, how are you?" You waited for a response for a couple of seconds. I didn't give you one. I was too shocked. I was instantly pulled from my thoughts and started questioning in my mind, Why was this random boy talking to me? Did I know him?

Because I didn't give a response you just smiled and walked away. I think I managed to give a muffled, "Good", but you probably didn't hear it.

It was then that I realized how selfish I was actually being. Here I was, only thinking of me and how hard life was for me and how hard of a time I was having to adjusting to this new life I have now. I was only thinking of how much I have to do to be better and not caring about anyone around me...

...until you spoke to me. It was so simple. Just a, "Hi, how are you doing?"
But you know what? It showed me that someone cared. It showed me that I can care too. It isn't that complicated. It starts with a , "Hello, how are you?" I can definitely do that, no matter how awkward I am feeling.

The awkwardness is still there. And I am still frustrated by it sometimes. Many people say that I am not awkward to them, but that doesn't change how I feel. But you saying that simple "How do you do?" made a bigger change than all of the reassurance in the world trying to counteract my awkwardness. It was a message of hope to me that it is simple to change sometimes and that I can do it.

One step at a time.

There's no need to rush.

THANK YOU boy in the khaki suit. Your simple greeting has helped in ways far deeper than you even realize. I really appreciate it. Hopefully I will get to know you properly one day and then I can tell you for real how much it really meant to me.

THANK YOU!

Love,

the awkward girl in the pencil skirt